My Family Vacation 07/08/2010
 My friend Paula’s favorite expression is “It’s all a matter of perspective.” Following this train of thought helps her to engage critical thinking skills and switch gears into a more productive mode when faced with a situation that may seem fearful or negative. The "Jodi" way is to enjoy a bit of self-indulgent sulking before moving forward in the next right direction. The trick is to be careful not to stay in Pityville too long, because this can cause mental damage. Remain long enough to dip your toe into the harsh reality that no, you're not going to get what you want, pout until you can't stand to be around yourself, and then pull up your bootstraps and find an alternative route. When Paula tries to use this line on me, I envision football tackling her while shouting, "I'll show you perspective!" And that would be the difference between us. Where Paula’s transition might take a day or two, my lag time for staying in a funk can be half a week or longer, depending on the situation. Case in point: At the beginning of the summer, my husband announced we were going to pass on a family vacation for the first time in years. Work had been slow, money tight, and with our daughter going off to college, he didn’t want to worry about being caught in a financial slump. I know this sounds like the grown up thing to do, but let me just say: No vacation? Say it ain’t so! For my family, going on vacation doesn’t equal running around or sight seeing. It equals lounging as much as possible, with the occasional water sport. We call the first two days our wind down time, where we take lots of naps in the sun. The remaining five days offer a gradual decline in stress and blood pressure. I develop selective memory and forget there’s a “real world" and by choice, have minimal contact with friends. With no one else's company to enjoy, the kids turn to each other and converse with us (because who else is there to talk to). In short, we connect on a level that only social isolation from peers and work can provide. Vacation also permits my husband and I to engage in conversation that has nothing to do with the usual rituals of home life. By midweek, we recall how much we enjoy each other’s company, and discuss our kids, and our own personal futures, as if we were newlyweds. For an entire week, the five of us are BFF’s. When I return home, I’m ready to catch up with my friends and rejoin the workforce... ...so don’t think I didn’t give my husband a generous pout over the fact that we weren't going on vacation. For a good two weeks, I secretly held my pity pot and baby violin at the ready, moping around the house like a child on punishment, continuously reviewing my misfortune. I was experiencing a sense of deprivation for what I really longed for this year – that connection with my family that only happens during vacation. Flash forward to my daughter’s graduation party: My mother informed me she wasn’t going to join us for our annual 4th of July get together, where we not only celebrate Independence Day, but family birthdays as well. Mom was too pooped to party and needed a day that didn’t require being on the road. Mental slump time: No one is coming on the 4th. It will just be - - US! Not sure what was wrong with only "US" when I just said I needed a vacation, right? Flash forward once more to mid-week, the Wednesday before the 4th: I made some phone calls and was delighted that my brother and a small group of close friends were going to come over to celebrate the 4th – well, delighted for the company, not the hosting part. To avoid pre party madness, I kept my focus away from being the hostess with the most-est and asked everyone to bring a meat, a side, a dessert and a beverage. Okay, I thought. Things were looking up. In the meantime, my husband had had it with my dreary vacation-deprived mood. "Why don't you pretend this weekend is your vacation,” he suggested. “Make believe you’re away.” Sure thing, I thought. Aces to that lousy idea. We’re moving to the 3rd of July: It’s my son’s 16th birthday. He wanted two things: a varsity jacket and potato salad. That, I thought, I could do! I got up early, made enough potato salad for an army and took him to get his birthday gift. We came home, prepared lunch, and the fam gathered outside on the deck where we ate a lunch fit for the gods. As it turned out, no one had to work or had plans. The five of us went swimming and lounged in the backyard. We talked, laughed, floated, sunbathed and napped. Background music and all the potato salad one could eat made for one of the best afternoons I'd had in a while. I would have called it perfection save for one thing: I couldn’t relax. Knowing I wasn’t going to have a week’s vacation with my husband was causing more tenseness. You know how you say, If I don’t get to sleep, I’m going to go nuts, If I don’t get this job, I’ll lose my mind - - I was thinking - - If I don’t go on a vacation, I’ll never relax. So, I’m complaining to my husband, who is truly not listening to a word I’m saying. He’s floating in the pool in his vacation zone and yes-ing me to death. I was about to say, “You’re clearly not listening to a word I’m saying,” when it happened. Relaxation. Not total, but enough to give me a taste of what I’d been missing, and what I desperately needed. Eventually, I forgot about my worries and allowed myself to “just be” (which is never an easy task.) We enjoyed three solid hours as a family of five before dispersing. My birthday boy headed out with his friends to the beach and my youngest invited a friend over. Still in vacation mode, I took my youngest and his friend to Sonic for dinner and then stole a few precious hours shopping with my daughter before her departure with her friends that evening. The best part of the day - I didn't care how I looked. I presented to the public as I do in vacation mode - shabby, relaxed and devil may care about makeup or whether my bra straps are sticking out of my tank tops. I kept the same appearance for the next two days - bad hair, no makeup and straggly attire. On Monday, while my youngest was at sailing, the rest of the fam took a trip to Target for odds and ends. I was still in vacation mode attire - trouble was, this wasn't the boondocks of New Hampshire, this was Target near my home. However, I was close enough to unrecognizable. If spotted, the worst case scenario would be a rumor that I had an ugly twin floating around. Monday night arrived quickly. It was time to prepare lunches, clean up my act, and ready myself for the week ahead. Hubby and I took one last relaxing dip in the pool to cap off the weekend. We chatted about how much fun we had, how we couldn’t believe we had a 16-year-old boy, and how the 4th of July was just perfect. Floating contentedly in a tire ring with arms dangling over the sides, I smiled at my husband. "I took your advice. I told myself this was going to be my vacation and it truly felt like one. It worked!” A man of many words, he said, "Good." It had only been three days, but it felt like a month. Best of all, I didn’t have to pack or unpack, worry about where the bathrooms were, or if it was going to rain or not. I didn’t need to be away to be on vacation after all. I bet if I allow myself, I could go away every weekend without ever leaving my home. Go ahead. Give it a shot. CommentsPaula 07/08/2010 2:06pm
You see - I was right - It is all about perspective! Enjoy your staycations! 04/12/2012 2:30am
I really appreciate this kind of topics which you post here. Thanks for sharing us a great information that is actually helpful. Good day! Donna 07/08/2010 5:16pm
I can picture you lounging in that warm pool of yours, chilling out with that adorable family of yours, who wouldn't enjoy that? Way to enjoy the good life, Jodi! Agnes 07/09/2010 1:56am
Sometimes a vacation at home with the family are the best vacations. Like you said no packing and unpacking. i usually need a vacation after my vacations when I go away. Great blog as usual Jo !!! Carol 07/09/2010 10:42pm
Jodi that was the best vacation - no major cost involved and no packing. Best way to go as long as you ignore the phones ringing. Jess 04/13/2012 4:29pm
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